What emotional considerations should a family interested in moving to Eretz Yisroel anticipate? How can they prepare for those considerations?
Really, the starting point is that the family must be committed to moving. It can’t just be a dream for them, where they feel like “it’s a good idea”. Furthermore, the husband and wife must be on the same page, where they both understand what it is they are about to embark on, and they can communicate that to each other. They must be able to communicate what they want, otherwise they will find themselves a few months later not remembering why they did what they did. Knowing WHY they made the decision will help them deal with HOW to execute the decision.
Very often, you’ll have a couple that are inspired to move but are not at the stage to actually committing to take the leap. What would you say to such a family?
To your point, there is a big emotional component here as well. Oftentimes, a family will want to move, but for one reason or another, it’s just not the right time. They may have to wait another year or so until they can come. It’s important to realize that. Otherwise, the entire move will be regretted and be on a very volatile foundation. Once one has clarity to know why he wants to move, then he will also have the Yishuv hada’as to be patient for the right time and his move will be based on a very solid foundation.
Are there any emotional challenges unique to moving to Eretz Yisroel aside for the general traumas of moving and uprooting one’s family anywhere?
Let’s dive into this. People say that parnassah is a big factor. I don’t believe that much. It’s not unique to Eretz Yisroel because many people have parnassah challenges in America, too. Ever since Covid, not only are companies ok with employees working remotely, for many it’s become a lechatchila. Also, the number of online jobs and careers one can get into make it much easier to address the parnassah factor.
One can make the same argument with regards to chinuch as well. Chinuch presents unique challenges both in Eretz Yisroel and in chutz la’aretz. I am not discounting the fact that it is hard to learn and navigate a new system and culture, for sure! But every place has its unique set of challenges, and if one wants to make it work, it can be done. There are many who’ve “been there done that”. I believe there is just as much opportunity in either place.
In my opinion, the most difficult issues are the community/family construct and culture. That’s not something that is easily replaced and recreated. At the same time, there are options and ways of dealing with it. Not every suggestion will work for everyone, but these are things to consider. If it’s within the budget, a family can spend yomim tovim and summers back where their families live. Ironically, if more yidden would move to Eretz Yisroel, then this wouldn’t be a challenge anymore! Everyone would be living here!
I’m going to say something controversial now. This whole discussion boils down to one thing. One has to be zocheh to live in Eretz Yisroel. Hopefully, every Yid essentially wants to live in Eretz Hakodesh. Every gadol who ever lived in chutz la’aretz always had a teshukah to move to Eret Yisroel. Even if they couldn’t make the move, they had a real she’ifa. It’s not a matter of whether I should or shouldn’t, and it has nothing to do with the Israeli flag or Zionism. This is where every Yid belongs. The question is, on a practical level, how to get here. Once a person looks at it with this perspective, it’s a whole different ball game. The fact that it is hard to move is a real argument. There is no judgement. But one needs to be honest and say, “but I really would like to be at a point where I could make the move”.
The fact is that the overall quality of life is much better in Eretz Yisroel than in chutz la’aretz. It goes without saying that the Land is saturated with kedusha and ruchniyus. Just being in Eretz Hakodesh influences a person. They say b’derech melitza that Avira d’arah mach kim– just breathing the air makes you want to come to the Holy Land. It doesn’t have to be that trip to kever Rashbi or to the Kosel. Even the gashmiyus is of a certain superior quality. I’m talking about a simple drive in a taxi or sitting on your porch in RBS can have that effect. My proof is that when the Torah describes the qualities of Eretz Yisroel, it describes it in terms of gashmiyus.
Earlier, we discussed the emotional challenges that adults need to be aware of before relocating their families. Can you touch upon how such a move can affect children?
Their social well-being is of utmost importance. They need to have friends and a social network that they can rely on for support. When I made Aliyah, my younger children each had a cousin or friend close in age that they were able to befriend and lean on for support. If a child has a good friend, that could be the difference between making it or breaking it. Even if the child or teenager may be having a difficult time in school, if they have a good friend, that could really save their life literally.
I want to share with you what my son’s yeshiva did for him when we moved. The menahel, who happens to be a talmid of Rav Chatzkel Levenstein and Rav Shach zatzal, saw that my 8 year old son was having trouble socially and understood that the chevrah in the grade above were a better fit for him. He made the decision to bump him up, which turned out to be the best decision for my son at the time. One also sees the quality of the chinuch here, and that mechanchim do have a good handle on things.
